Was working my Sunday shift from 1-10 last night & a group of 5 or so teens came into our parking garage. When that happens, I’m supposed to use the intercom to tell them to leave. Well, they went back to our loading dock before I could, so I went down there to tell them. They left as I got down there so that solved itself.
However, my hands were shaking so badly & my heart was beating like crazy. If I had tried to tell them to leave, they probably would have noticed me shaking. I have no reason to act like this but I can’t control it. They’re just a bunch of teens being dumb but I nearly fell apart from shaking. My anxiety is out of control.
Similar thing happened a few minutes ago in my shift. Talked to someone who works in one of our buildings through the intercom, in the garage. He & his daughters were skateboarding so I decided to say hi. Nothing bad but I’m still shaking.
I now have the ability to take matters into my own hands & see a doctor. No more hearing, “Its all in your head”, or “You just need to get out more & make more friends.” I can be free from my anxiety in just a month & I’m going to make it happen. It’s gonna take hard work but I need to be able to breathe again. I need this for myself. I’m tired of being in a mental cage. I’m making positive changes happen one step at a time.
Can we talk about how much I like reading nooks/alcoves? Like, look at these. I want one so badly. So cozy and secluded and comfy. (none of these images are mine- I’ve collected them over time because of my intense love of reading nooks v__v)